Waves of depression roll over me like a great tidal wave. Engulfing me in deep, thick blue darkness. Sadness so deep that it touches the inner core of my soul and presses on my spine.

Making me wish to forego past meetings and love. Wishing things undone that brought such light and joy, but which were followed with despair, distress and anxiety.

Oh how I wish I’d never seen the difference. Never experienced the joy. Never known the light. Never saw that beauty. Never felt the love.

Hope is what I hang onto. Like a frayed rope. Hang there, do nothing, and it will hold you for a time. Try to climb out and the rope will snap dropping you into the abyss.

Is it better to fall into the unknown, dark void of the abyss? Into the unknown, away from the light. Will there ever be another rope to tether myself to?

Too much time has past to hold onto anything. To much perceived promise was experienced and dashed to the earth like a falling star, smashed into unperceivable flickers of light.

I want anger to take the place of this sorrow. But anger has no place here. Anger cannot be conjoined with who and what I long for. Anger tarnishes and is unworthy of the memory.

Oh how I wish I could go back and turn the other direction. Away from the path of this future pain and anguish. Back before joy and beauty. Back to where nothing and no one mattered.

Why am I allowed or made to care? Why can I not shed these feelings like an old set of clothes? Oh how I wish I could go back and turn the other direction.