your parents separate when you are 3,
you see someone almost die from alcohol poisening when you are 5,
one of your uncles kills themselves with a bow an arrow when you are 8.

your mom and stepdad start drinking all the time and you have to take care of your younger sister,
you see your stepdad get hit in the head with a spade shovel and almost die when you are 14,
a week and a half after your stepdad gets hit in the head with a shovel 3 of your cousins and 1 of your uncles get killed from a drunk driver on highway 38.

all this time you blame yourself for every bad thing that has ever happend,
you never understood and thought that these things were somehow your fault,
inside your head there in nothing but black,
you think to yourself that this is all there is in life and which you could just go to sleep and never wake up.

after all you are all alone and no one loves you, right?,
the suppressed thoughts get so bad that when you are 18 you have to go too the phyciatric hospital for 2 years,
you are finaly getting better now, but most of your life was a waste.

you finaly have hope for the future,
by this last line of your poem you wonder why you are crying so much, you are supposed too be the strong one right.