I used to look at alcoholics and junkies as a choice. That is was their choice. They had been the ones who choose to knowingly put something into their bodies that can harm them, possibly even kill them. They were ultimately choosing their own destiny. How hard is it to just stop?? Simply arithmetic, right? This plus that person equals bad news. The thing about addiction is that you never see your own. And even when you come to that moment where you meet yourself in the mirror covered in tears and traces of mascara its still not enough.
Though not a drug I think relationships can be addictive, even people. Bad people. People that are not good for you- physically, mentally,emotionally. They can be just as intoxicating as a drug. Giving you
the sweetest breathtaking high youve ever had. And its not the high that you cant handle, its the coming down. Its the indescrible tormant you put yourself through for those little high moments so far and
between. But when you finally reach that ultimate high, you never want to come down so you'll do just about anything to get there again, to keep that high. And when you finally try to break the habit, youre
right back at it again. You reach denial like an alcoholic who swears they dont have a drinking problem with whiskey on their breath. You have the sayings of an addict. "This is the last time." "I can stop whenever I want." "This is not a problem." "I'm fine." You get another taste in your mouth. And the whole cycle just starts all over again. Who are you kidding? You cant even kid yourself at this point. And all this time of putting yourself through all the pain and agony you've had to look at your friends and family in the eyes. And you wish sometimes you could see the look on your face when their looking at you. And you wonder if the sheer embarrassment would even be reason enough to stop. How much of yourself are you willing to give up for such a minuscule time frame of happiness. And is it even REAL happiness when you get there? Or are you just so used to the pain and punishment that it just seems normal at this point? Though the relationship came with strings you were the one who voluntarily tied yourself down. Tied yourself down to a person who was terrified of being tied down, yet to be alone. And when you reach another point where youre picking up the pieces again you think to yourself.......Am I an addict or have I developed a case of masochism?