I feel so sick

Right now I feel so sick, the girl I still love and want her to forgive me.
But she probably shunned it, So I guess thats it.
I deserved this, I betrayed her and now I feel sick.
I wish I can erase her from my memory, but how can I do that.
I can never erase all the shame and love I felt.
I hated her for a long time to protect myself, against feeling sick.
but I didn't listened to myself, I took a bullet.

I suffered and don't know who to turn to, don't know what to do except suffer.
How long will I suffer until she forgives me, if she ever forgives me.
I have suffered for years, fora girl who doesn't even love me.
Love is cruel, I wish I never loved.
If I never loved I won't have to suffer anymore days, and wish I was dead.
I long for the days when I can be put out of my misery, but I have to stay alive.
I have a weak heart, and a weak mind, falling for girls that make me suffer, one of the girls which I truly have always loved has hurt me so much.
How can such a sweet girl cause so much hurt for me, all I wanted to do was love her forever.
All it took was being such a sweet person, no looking sexy or anything else.
All it took was her personality to make me fall for her, who is she, why did she makem me suffer.

She still hates me after all this time, time doesn't kill wounds.
I feel like a demon, I betrayed her and I am such a beast.
Why should I deserve to live, yet I can never kill myself.
I am a lost soul suffering in endless time.
I wish I can die, or forget about her.
Wishing she could die would put me even more in pain, I don't know what to say or what to do.
I will forever suffer, yet no friends have come to my aid, thats because I am a loser.
Why was I so damn selfish, why didn't I just stay friends with her.
Why did I try to protect her, I am such a faggot.
All I can do is suffer with an empty heart, no one will ever love a traitor,
especially with someone as sweet as her, I am such a loser.

Tears keep rolling out of my eyes, I even wanted to rule the world just to be strong.
Sometimes wishing I was a dictator with lots of women on my side.
But would being a powerful world ruler help me get rid of my pain.
She read my message yet won't reply, her decision is final
My suffering continues, how could I be decieved not by beauty, not by sexyness, but by kindness which is rare to find in many girls
How could I be so stupid, how could I be so wrong.
All I ever wanted was to be by her side and be her protector, and love and cherish her.
If only I could have been the one to call her, one day hold her, and call her my own.
but she has her own life, I should never force her to be with me.
If she wants to never speak to me again that is her choice, and anyways who would ever take pity on me.
No girl would want a nice guy like me, they want nasty, naughty, and mean guys.
Why do I even exist here, I wish I never existed on earth.
Would it matter if I was a demon with no heart and soul.
Why did God made love, just to make me suffer until I perish.
I will always love her even if she hates the living shit out of me.
She probably doesn't care if I die but I will still care for her.

If she was mine I would shower her in my love and kindness.
I would be there for her, always think about her.
It hurts me to write this but it would hurt worse not saying anything at all.
If I talk to her again she would probably get me arrested for being an nussance, I am such a fool.
All I want to do is be with someone who dislikes me, I am such an idiot.
Love is just about mating, love isn't real, The love I want doesn't exist.
If love was more then making love, then why do so many relationships fail.
Yes I am a hopeless romantic, yet I don't want just romance.
I want someone to care about me, always be by my side just like the girl I write about in this poem.
I want her to be with me no matter what, even if the demons will try to split us apart as they did with many broken couples.
I hate myself, I am such a loser.
Who would ever love me, love is for winners
Love doesn't exist, Satan is probably smiling while I suffer
Well who wouldn't blame him, his cold heart keeps him protected from getting himself hurt just by wanting to love.
I wish I could love and treat her so kind, I wish I could make her feel so happy.
I hope she has a happy life, cause out of my suffering, someone is being happy.
I hope my suffering at least makes someone happy, it's better then it going to waste.
Maybe someone should enjoy the cold leaking blood from my heart, I am suffering so much.

I will always love her and she will always be apart of me, she is very beautiful.
When I get over this sickness I will suffer with severe lonelyness, my heart even hurts after what I said, literally.
She has left her mark on me and now she is gone, I may be a guy but I am not a tough guy who hides his feelings.
My hands hurt, my back hurts, my heart aches, I feel aweful.
I will always love her forever, she was my sacred maiden.
I have been broken, I can't even look right.
Oh well I may sound so negative, but I am negative.
Don't feel bad for me, maybe one day I will enjoy my own suffering.
Maybe not maybe this is punishment for any Sins I done, I did betray her.
I must suffer for an eternity, I will not argue or fight back.
I love her, I love her, I love her.
I Want her, I Want Her, I Want Her
I Need Her, I need Her, I need Her
I miss her, I miss her, I miss her
I hope she ever talks to me again, I am sorry if protecting you is a crime.
I guess I'll let you get molested, or raped, killed, or used as a slave.
If you don't want me I'll suffer while you suffer.
I wish I didn't love you but I love you.
I wish I coudl hug you, or wish all thr stuff that happened was just a bad dream.
I feel so disconnected right now, how can I move on, or get on with life.
I hate my life, I wish the angels can come down and help me, shield me, and protect me.
I am sick of all the suffering I go through, it would be easier if I was a girl.
but girls go through a lot too, I don't know what to do.

Bye bye people, I hope you enjoy this negative little poem.