please comment on my this poem...

Submitted by coolguy_eugene on Thu, 26/11/2009 - 08:07

Love is just like the sky,
Love will blossom when the time comes,
Happiness will be a long-lasting road to go,
Humans are destined by God either to be together or to be apart,
One's own destiny is controlleable by oneself.

Content Type: 
Love Poems

2 comments

by mvvenkataraman on Sat, 28/11/2009 - 07:35

Dear coolguy_eugene,

What you have coined is true
Love is vast like the sky of course
The right time for love must come
Yes. Happiness is unfathomable
God decides our partner
A bachelor or a spinster
Is a partner to themselves
Our mind we must control
As an uncontrollable mind is a devil
Every word of your poetry
Is really applicable to my life
Your words depict the truth only
There is no second-thought about it.

With best wishes, Thanking you, Yours truly,

M V VENKATARAMAN

iainthepict's picture

by iainthepict on Sun, 06/12/2009 - 13:47

I'm old school so, for me poems have to rhyme, but if they don't, they have to have good prose. Your poem contains a contradiction: if humans are destined through/by/because of the actions of a third party, one isn't, by definition, in control of one's own destiny!

Life is sweet; love is sweeter

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